Playing Big.

I recently picked up this book from the sale table of a local bookshop. I found it an interesting and thought-provoking read.

It’s aimed at any woman with an ambition, a goal, a dream in her life, particularly around careers. If you’re looking for the practical how-to-claw-your-way-to-the-top stuff, this is not the book for you. Instead Playing Big deals with the heart stuff that so many of us women seem to struggle with: negative self-talk, mentoring, fear, praise and criticism, communication, etc etc.

Some of it didn’t resonate - the chapter about visualising a conversation with yourself 20 years in the future as a way of tapping into your inner wisdom left me cold. But for most of the book I found myself laughing, cringing, and nodding my head enthusiastically by turns as I read, because so much of it was familiar to me.

For me, Playing Big is very relevant right now because my goal is to leave my job and become a freelance proofreader and editor. I'm studying for a Diploma in Proofreading and Editing, which is a good first step. But I didn't want to graduate half-way through next year and then wonder, what do I do next?

So after reading this book I decided to take a big step {or a leap, as Ms Mohr calls it} – something that I’d been thinking about for a while. I wrote a post on Facebook, telling everyone that I was doing this diploma, was looking for real-life work experience, and was willing to work for free in exchange for a testimonial if the person was happy with my work. {I plan to set up a website for my work next year, so I will publish any testimonials I receive there.}

It was scary putting myself out there like that, but I'm very glad I did it. The response was not overwhelming but it was steady. I was asked to proofread two academic assignments, one book, and the text of one website. Someone else sent me the contact details of an author who was looking for a proofreader. Another woman, who owns a PR agency, has sent me several documents to proofread - and this is likely {fingers crossed} to lead to paid work next year.

Most importantly, this work experience has shown me just how much I love this work, and how much I want to make a living from it.

Anne-Marie x

A Pagan year, part two

Ngaio flower

Beltane, at the start of this month, marked one year since I decided to spend 12 months living as a Pagan.

It's been an interesting year. I've learned a lot - about myself, my spiritual beliefs, and Paganism in general. I thought I would share with you some of the things I've learned this year.

I've learned that I am a Pagan and probably - despite being a devout and unquestioning Catholic into my twenties - have always been a Pagan on some level. As a child I knew the sacredness of the natural world {nothing to do with being made by God}, which is a central belief of modern Paganism. I was also very much an animist as child, believing things like trees and rocks and river had their own unique spirits. I still believe that, too.

More specifically, I follow a Druid path within Paganism. At the Spring Equinox I joined the Druid Network. You can read more about the Druid Network and what they believe and do here.

I've discovered, to my own surprise, that I am at the sceptical end of Paganism. I follow no gods or goddesses; and I have no interest in casting spells, drawing tarot cards, or calling myself a witch. For me what matters is the sacredness of the natural world {of which humans are a part}, honouring the ancestors, and observing the seasonal festivals. Anything else is an optional extra.

I've discovered the joy of spiritual community. Through Facebook I discovered a small but growing local Pagan group, and we have met for every festival from Midwinter onwards. We are a diverse lot, but our festival celebrations have a joy about them that uplifts me for weeks afterwards.

I've learned that Pagans can be a pain in the arse, and that fundamentalist Pagans exist {just as, I expect, fundamentalists exist in every other religion}. But Pagans can also be warm, welcoming, caring, and fun. They're interesting and questioning, and most of them love a good debate. In the past couple of weeks I have had online discussions and debates with Pagans on the following topics: the ethics of magic, the correct date to celebrate Beltane in the southern hemisphere, whether atheists can also be Pagans, whether Satanists can also be Pagans, how open people are about their Pagan faith, the work of a forest conservation group in England, whether Christmas is a Jewish festival {what?!}, and where my Pagan group will celebrate the Summer Solstice.

Of all the debates I became involved in, the Satanist {who freaked me out when I first encountered her} was the most polite and most willing to explain her beliefs to me. For the record, Satanism will never be my cup of tea but it was interesting to learn about this faith, about which I knew almost nothing.

Anne-Marie x

Dedication.

I come here at this festival of Beltane,

to dedicate myself to this Path.

I dedicate myself to the honour of my ancestors,

both those I know and those I don't.

May their heritage never be lost,

so long as I am alive.

I dedicate myself to the honour of Earth

and all who call her home.

May I learn to leave a light footprint

on our Mother, and may I never take her beauty

and blessings for granted.

I dedicate myself to the honour of the ancestors

of the land, wherever on Earth I may be.

I dedicate myself to the honour of the Divine,

may I always be open to its mystery.

I dedicate myself to the honour of the

Wheel of the Year. May I keep its festivals holy,

wherever on Earth I am.

I dedicate myself to the honour of all

who walk this Path with me,

whether or not they call themselves Pagan.

May I walk my Path with

truth, beauty, passion, kindness, and honour.

Blessed be.


{Wishing you a blessed season, whether you are celebrating Beltane, Samhain, Hallowe'en or All Saints Day.}

The Great Mystery.

'"I don’t pretend to understand this great mystery in which we participate.  Whether we call it life, cosmos, creation, Allah, God, or some other grand name, no label is large enough. I merely try to learn as much about it as I can, during my brief time under the sun. So I study what the most perceptive of our ancestors have discovered - artists and scientists as well as spiritual seekers.  I turn outward to nature and to human artifacts, and inward to the images and voices that arise in silence.  The louder the world becomes, with its relentless demands and messages, the more precious silence becomes. I can’t prove that what emerges within me arises from a source beyond the boundaries of my own skin, but I believe this is so. Simone Weil wrote that 'Absolutely unmixed attention is prayer'. What I pay attention to might be my breath, a sentence in a book, a butterfly on a zinnia blossom, my granddaughter’s face, a skein of music or a skein of geese. I may do my seeking outdoors or indoors, alone or in company, but always the goal is the same: to deepen my awareness of this encompassing mystery."

-Scott Russell Sanders, in "The Spirituality of Nature," Interdisciplinary Studies in Literature and Environment, 2013

The curse of high apostrophe intelligence.

"If this satanic sprinkling of redundant apostrophes causes no little gasp of horror or quickening of the pulse, you should probably put down this book at once. By all means congratulate yourself that you are not a pedant or even a stickler; that you are happily equipped to live in a world of plummeting punctuation standards; but just don't bother to go any further." - Lynne Truss, Eats, Shoots and Leaves.

I found this cartoon on Facebook earlier this week, and it gave me a good laugh.

I think people are either born with the curse of High Apostrophe Intelligence, or they're not; and if you were born into my family, there's a good chance you have High Apostrophe Intelligence.

I was correcting my teachers' punctuation by the time I was about eight {yes, I knew how to make myself popular}.

The only time I've experienced road rage was when I was stuck behind a poorly-punctuated truck on SH2 between Hastings and Dannevirke. For about 100km I gripped the wheel and looked for a place to pass so I didn't have to keep read the four lines of writing on the back of the truck. The first three lines were separated by commas; the last line had no punctuation at all.

WHY?! Why would you bother putting in commas on three lines and not put a full-stop at the end of the fourth?!

If you think punctuation doesn't matter in this day and age, I recommend you read Eats, Shoots and Leaves - it's funny and it's informative. Or try reading a piece of writing which has the punctuation taken out, or is poorly punctuated. Poor punctuation can slow a reader down; and no punctuation at all makes writing almost unintelligible.

Those of us with High Apostrophe Intelligence know ;-)

Anne-Marie x

Winds of change.

At last it's starting to feel like spring here in New Zealand. It has been an extremely wet and cold winter - and it seems to have gone on forever. The days began to lengthen, hesitantly it seemed, around Imbolc, and all the daffodils flowered. Other than that, we've been stuck in winter right into September.

But now our daylight hours are definitely longer, all the blossom trees and magnolias and camellias are flowering, and it's almost warm in the sunshine. And I'm looking forward to the celebration of Ostara {Spring Equinox} on September 23.

In late August and early September I became quite ill with the flu. It's only the third time in my life I've had it, and at its worst I could barely get out of bed. It was while I was feeling most rotten that my course materials arrived in the mail for the diploma I will be studying over the next year. Nothing like a nice big pile of textbooks about proofreading and editing {see picture above} to make me feel more cheerful about having the flu!

I have wanted to do this diploma for ages; several years at least. I've just finished my first tutorial and assignment {11 to go} and already I am thinking this was money well spent. I actually look forward to spending a few nights each week at my desk studying.

I am hoping that this diploma will help me make a break from my job. I would like to freelance: I already have several skills as a writer and journalist, and being able to proofread and edit would add more skills to my tool-box. I have a natural eye for proofreading but there is a lot I don't know. The diploma is very comprehensive - as well as proofreading and editing skills, it also teaches basic business skills and guidance on how to find freelance projects.

So this is very exciting for me.

The other bit of news is that my husband is looking for teaching jobs overseas, specifically the United Arab Emirates. It makes sense: he's a qualified and experienced teacher who has struggled to find anything other than relieving work in our small town. The jobs are plentiful in the UAE, and so is the money. There's been nothing definite yet, but I am keeping my fingers crossed. I think it would be an interesting adventure for us, and hopefully enable us to pay off most of our mortgage.

I'll keep you posted!

Anne-Marie x

Choosing Paganism.

Waxing moon with Venus and Jupiter
19 July, 2015

Sometimes I think it would be easier for me to have followed almost any other religion than Paganism. Surely converting to Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Judaism must be simpler than Paganism. I know that if I’d returned to the faith I was born into, Catholicism, my spiritual beliefs would have been guided by the teachings of the Church and the Bible. If I was unclear on any beliefs I could have talked to a priest or a spiritual director to have my doubts set straight.

Exactly what modern day Pagans believe is really hard to pin down. I’ve written before about the three principles of the Pagan Federation, and how they resonated with me when I first read them. Beyond those three principles, things can get pretty murky.

You would struggle to identify what Pagans believe about God because Pagans choose their own gods and/or goddesses {or, the gods and goddesses choose them}. Paganism seems to be dominated by Wiccans who follow the Goddess and the God – but even that isn't simple. Then there are those who follow Asatru / Heathenism, and worship the Norse pantheon of gods and goddesses. Other Pagans worship the Celtic deities. Or the Greek. Or the Roman. Or the ancient Egyptian. Some, with indigenous roots, honour the gods of their culture. Others honour their ancestors. Yet other Pagans are actively atheist or non-theist. Some Pagans do spellwork, read cards, work with crystals, use shaman practices, meditate … and some don’t.

As you can imagine, for a new Pagan it can be a truly dizzying array of gods and goddesses, beliefs, and spiritual practices to get your head around. Because Paganism is more of a religious movement than an organised religion, new Pagans often have little real-life guidance unless they join a coven. I felt overwhelmed when I began to ponder the question, just what do I believe in?

But the flip side of this is the ability to choose whatever is right for you. When you become a Pagan you are not confined to a set of beliefs. God is not a prescribed being.

The first thing I discovered is that even though it's a long time since I called myself a Christian, some of the beliefs I had as a Christian were still entrenched. For example, I was very determinedly monotheistic, and expected that wouldn't change once I became a Pagan. But I thought about it a lot, tried out many different devotions, and wrote about it in my journal. I discovered I am - surprise, surprise! - mostly non-theist.

You'll notice I said mostly non-theist. That's because a certain Celtic goddess keeps appearing in my devotions and I feel I have no choice but to follow that. For the most part, however, my Pagan prayers are to the dawn, the sky, the moon, the ancestors, and are expressions of what is in my heart.

I expect this process of working out my own personal theology to take a long time, maybe the rest of my life. It's early days yet ... so expect more theological ramblings from me another time.